Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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