You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize