naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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