its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
