found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
