Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
