So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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