So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
