you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
