are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
