I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
