Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
