i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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