Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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