Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Fuck appropriateness.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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