Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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