Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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