So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
