That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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