Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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