chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
third nipple confirmed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
