I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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