Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
