My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
