So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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