Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Randomize
