making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
