so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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