not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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