Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
