if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
