I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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