She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
