Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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