Do you still have your period?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize