you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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