Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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