I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
