3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
last night I used snow as a chaser
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
