You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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