I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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