Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
