i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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