What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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