am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
