I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
