That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
