Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
