I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
