Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
