Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
