I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
