I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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