sarcasm needs its own font
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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