My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
