ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
