Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I supernannyed him into submission
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
