i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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