the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
