He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
