and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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