So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
