Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
