you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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