gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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