I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
