I didn't shave. On purpose
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
