She's JV to your varsity
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
