just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
