At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
