So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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