Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
