ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
