I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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