ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
