I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
